Boundaries

November 29, 2018 3 min read 11 Comments

Five ways to lose weight during menopause

The holidays can be a whirlwind of activity. With the presents to buy, parties to attend, and family members coming to visit, you may feel like you're on a see-saw - one minute you're up, the next you're overwhelmed and overcommitted. So how can you enjoy this season of light with less stress and more joy?

Healthy Boundaries!

If someone stands to close to you, you move away instinctively. But if your sister asks you to bake three pies for a holiday dinner, you might have a hard time saying No. Without healthy boundaries, though, the holiday season will leave you drained. So here are some suggestions for keeping healthy boundaries during the holiday season.

1. Learn to say no without feeling guilty.

 

This isn't easy.....Period. But...... it gets easier with practice.Here are three insights that make it easier to say.......No:

 

First, know that sometimes it's the "season" for Yes, and sometimes it's the "season" for No. Just because you want to say No to the pies (or volunteering to be the class mom or taking your mom shopping) this year, doesn't mean you're saying no forever. There are seasons of your life when you can do more for others and seasons when you can't, so cut yourself some slack.

 

Second, if you know you're going to say No, offer an option along with it.

For example, this year when your sister asks you to make the pies, offer to pick up baked goods from the gourmet bakery in town that she loves. 

 

Finally, get in touch with what is most important to you. Is it more important to spend time with your family than having a clean house? Is it important to carry on long-standing traditions (the pies!) or to start new ones? Is starting the New Year without a lot of debt more important than buying more gifts? Once you know what you value most, it's much easier to say......No.

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2. Know your limitations.

 

If you're like most women, you give even when you're depleted. You might also think you're superwoman - or supposed to be superwoman - and that you have to push through, even to the point of exhaustion, or take on one more task, even though it drains you.

 

When it comes to boundaries, it's important to be aware of and respect your limitations. Sure, there are times when you have to tackle something important even though you're tired. But structure your days during the holidays so that you have time to rest and restore, too.

 

3. Pay attention to your energetic boundaries.

 

We all have a life force, a subtle energy that surrounds our beings, often called an aura. This aura, which is invisible to most people, extends past your physical body and can be sensed by others. That's why, if you're spending time with a cherished loved one, you feel energized, and when spending time with "Debbie downer," you feel drained. 

 

Although you may not be able to see it, every one of your friends and family members has an aura. And if you're sensitive to how others feel, you're more likely to pick up on their energy. 

 

To protect yourself from negative energy,

do a visualization before heading to an event. 

  1. Close your eyes. Visualize your aura as an egg-shaped light that surrounds your body.
  2. Picture this egg as a white, energetic life force that is a few feet above your head and all around your body, with the small part of the egg deep in the earth. 
  3. Your aura should appear whole, with light surrounding you. If the light doesn't surround you entirely, notice where your aura is "open" or has a "hole". These holes make it possible for another's energy to permeate your aura, which is how you pick up on how others are feeling. 
  4. If there are any holes, picture any negative feelings from others leaving your aura. 
  5. Next, imagine closing these openings by filling in light wherever your aura isn't complete, while at the same time, allowing your aura to be open to receive exalted emotions like joy, pleasure, and love.

Between eating more sugar, rushing to family events, and spending money, the holidays can be a stressful time.

But it doesn't have to be!

This season, practice creating healthier boundaries by saying no, knowing your limitations, and protecting your aura. 

 

If you have other suggestions for creating healthy boundaries, please leave them in the comment section below.


11 Responses

Tubesexemoni
Tubesexemoni

March 30, 2020

Normally I do not learn article on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to check out and do it! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thank you, very nice post.

Lori
Lori

March 30, 2020

I literally have no extra money for gifts for my two children spouses, an exdaughterin law, six grandchildren and four great grandchildren. Also have an autistic and nonverbal son who is 20. Last time we were altogether was four years ago and having no presents did not go well. This Christmas will also be spent with just husband and son and dollar store gifts. Any suggestions?

Cate
Cate

March 30, 2020

For those with large families, start drawing names out of a Santa's hat. Each person buys one nice gift for the person who's name they drew and receive one nice gift. It made our Christmas a lot less stressful and gave us a lot more quality time with family, which is the best gift of all. Happy holidays

JulieAnn
JulieAnn

March 30, 2020

Thank you for this timely advice & reminder.
Learning to say no appropriately requires a new perspective and this assisted me is seeing it.
Thanks for tip to protect my aura. I have been taught this ides before but have not made it a practice.
This encourages me.

menarc wong
menarc wong

March 30, 2020

I usually have my healthy green smoothie and enzyme and probiotic before heading to any party.

Then do my relaxation and 5 minute visualization and all the time Everything Goes Well.

Frelenda Dacquisto
Frelenda Dacquisto

March 30, 2020

After years of family division, my sister and I will have them coming over to celebrate LOVE. I love the ending quote! I'll use it for my toast Christmas day! Thanks for such loving and uplifting messages!

Marija
Marija

March 30, 2020

Thank you Dr. Northrup to remind us to keep our healthy boundaries. As a traditionally brought up woman, I far more often rather say "Yes" than "No", even if I feel the burden I'm carring is about to explode. I'm sure there are many other women who feel like that. The other thing is that we've made the members of our family used to some comfort, so they often have great expectations and we don't want to dissapoint them. After all, we don't want to spoil the holiday atmosphere at our homes. So it's really hard for some of us to say "No" and we rather swallov the rebellion that rises within us and say "Yes". Sometimes I really don't know which way of acting would be better, because the battle against tradition and deep-rooted expectacions may be as hard as letting the things staying so as they are.

Jodel Mintel
Jodel Mintel

March 30, 2020

When gathering with friends and relatives, leave any problems from the past, in the past and stay present and open to new possibilities.

"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a GIFT. That's why it's called the present."

Dori
Dori

March 30, 2020

Thank you for this timely reminder! This is a great visualization that I will use during the holiday season and beyond.

Amata Life
Amata Life

March 30, 2020

Debbie – thank you so much for reminding us that using such phrases, which are meant to be "cute", are not so for some. We're better for the comment, and try to do better. Thank you.

Debbie Wylie
Debbie Wylie

March 30, 2020

Thank you for this very helpful post!
I have just a little request. I wish the phrase “Debbie Downer” didn’t exist. I believe, and others tell me, that I’m a very positive person, but every time I read or hear “Debbie Downer” my heart sinks through the floor. After reading your post, I wonder if this is damaging to my aura. Picking myself back up requires a pause, a deep breath or two, and a sense of re-grounding.
I know you always mean the very best for others, but on behalf of Debbies everywhere, maybe there’s another way to describe a negative person?
Thank you so much for listening,
Debbie Upper

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